\ 4 hits of LSD - /g/pasta 2.4
From train, 4 Years ago, written in Plain Text.
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  1. Trip report: 275 - 420mcg LSD (4-5) hits
  2.  
  3. 5pm Maxwell tied me up in a shibari hogtie, and my arms and legs were bound with cotton rope.
  4. I let the LSD dissolve under my tongue, then I chewed up and swallowed the blotter with some water.
  5. As time passed, I watched the window shades rustle softly and their shadows moved around the walls like zebra stripes.
  6. I was half expecting my TV to come to life and grow a face, similar to "Welcome to the NHK!" so I focused on my big CRT
  7. for a while, but nothing extraordinary happened, but the color palette of my vision changed. I am red-green colorblind,
  8. and I have noticed that when I astrally project myself or take psychadelics, I have the ability to perceive greens and reds, but
  9. only in my mind's eye. It is hard to describe exactly what they're like. I like to call them, "super-colors"
  10. because they exist outside of what I normally associate with being red and green.
  11. Visuals began, and I enjoyed myself greatly. I remember kissing Max, recounting past trips, and watching the spirals and visuals
  12. become more intense.
  13. I am near-sighted, so my vision is naturally blurry. I went through this without my glasses on, and when I remove my glasses, I
  14. like to think that my individual cones form a short of inmperfect "static-composed" image of what is going on around me.
  15. As if to overlay the static like a filter, i saw things composed of squiggly lines and various images.
  16. Some of these images were strange, and seemed to surround my perception like a reality marble that was expanding and contracting at
  17. various times during my trip. They started out as spirals and cat faces, whatever was on my mind, but as was my last
  18. mushroom trip of 3/8ths of p.cubensis, those images gave way to bodies performing sexual acts.
  19. They were old men, having sex. They looked sort of like your typical Japanese salaryman. As the marble contracted, these
  20. bodies began to tesselate and became younger and fewer in number, until it was composed of young traps in thigh-highs having sex.
  21. Things got into a younger and more juvenile stage, very similar to the drawings of yukaman at https://www.manglo.org.
  22. Eventually these images gave way to what appeared to be fetuses, as the marble again contracted smaller. I started hearing voices.
  23. "Hurt me", "I shouldn't have" and "Peeing". I asked Max to untie me so I could use the restroom, and he freed me from my bonds so I
  24. could walk. Max wanted to have sex, but all the pictures were making me uncomfortable, and
  25. I didn't want to have sex, so I told him no, and I asked him to untie me. I told him not to hurt me, but I reportedly said something along the lines of,
  26. "If you're going to do it, just put it in now!" He suggested we go make some drawings, so he untied me the rest of the way and we went to his room to doodle.
  27. I draw a few things with colored pencils, and my visions returned to fun things like cat faces and spirals. Max and I doodled on each other's bodies with
  28. copic markers, and he gave me a great big spiral on my stomach. He then started rubbing my body, and started saying strange things. "Jamie, you're so beautiful.
  29. We're going to make beautiful things together. Hey, Jamie, we're going to do a little ritual, and I'm going to put something inside you, okay?" He started rubbing
  30. my stomach. I knew I didn't have a womb, and I didn't think I could really give birth to anything. I've always felt like this made me impotent somehow.
  31. I reminded myself it was a mental construct. My semen was likely still fertile, I could do my will regadless of my fertility.
  32. I have the wisdom and skill set to do so.
  33. Regardless, I told Max no, that I didn't want to do anything, that I didn't want him to hurt me and that I didn't want sex.
  34. Things got strange at that point. The reality marble continued to contract, and I entered a space of solely myself and Max. The voices came back.
  35. I heard familiar phrases and quotes from Liber Choronzon circling my mind. "Going to put something inside you." "You've just gotta take that step"
  36. "Mama (BABALON)'s giving birth!" "Hurt you" "What is it? People need to... X?" "You're a subjective being, you can't know." "Nobody's looking!"
  37. I began to move outwards, and as I did, i was beset by a flurry of reality tunnels. Immediately, I felt my energy being sucked out forcibly. I pushed back and steadied
  38. myself with a pentagram. I had lost some energy, but I was still okay. As I attempted to grasp what to do, I entered alternate reality tunnels. I was a Satanist, and
  39. I felt my body covered in scars and scratches. I felt my egotistical incarnation on this earth, feeling like a powerful god. The air vibrated around me, and my bangs
  40. shook at the fringes of my vision. (It felt kind of like the famous picture of Baphomet, powering up Dragon Ball Z-style.) my mindset shifted, to someone who fought the
  41. Demiurge. A metalhead, a concert-goer, someone who derives their power and rebels, challenges, and draws powers from sigils. I shifted again, to the mindset of an
  42. anorexic fashionista with a hitler youth, subsisting on coffee and cigarettes. I steadied myself. This couldn't continue, I needed to banish, now. I prepared and
  43. executed the LBRP subconsciously, and then my consciousness steadied a bit. I burned some incense, and watched the smoke, I looked at the embers of the incense,
  44. and they appeared to me more clearly than I'd ever seen them. I thought perhaps that it was the Tao, embodied in the experience of appreciating those little things
  45. (which is actually Netsach, but I have the association through such things as publications of "The Tao of Tea") I approached the Tao, and felt wonderful clarity and beauty,
  46. but I felt that if I should get too close, I would blink out of existence completely. I would stop thinking.
  47. I considered the Universal Joke. Yeah. Infinite Jest. To silently weep and laugh at the same time. The Philosopher's Stone in the pommel of Azoth's sword, surely it was
  48. nothing but air, or a small knot of string. I tried captioning it. Poof. Tao. The Tao. GREAT TAO! Ta-da. You did it. My mind shifted to Yukkuris and /jp/, a collection of people all laughing
  49. about the same thing. "Ganbare, anonymous-san! Make today a good day!" Could this be, neo-/jp/ single level irony? But as my mind adopted the silly mentality of a Yukkuri, I knew that wasn't the answer, and was
  50. a dangerous thing to approach.
  51. I decided to go on IRC, and talk to people. I messaged Sabitsuki and my Gnostic friend, saying, "I need to embrace the Tao, or I can't sleep." (It was getting late)
  52. I didn't get much response, but Sabitsuki told me I'd opened my third nostril, which made me giggle a little. I considered the tunnel of the Subgenius, and wondered
  53. if perhaps the previous trip report Sabitsuki had sent me was the mentality of a Subgenius. I didn't fancy myself a God- I know that I am forever confined to my mind,
  54. and I know where the Hermetic cards fall in terms of thoughtforms and other planes. Infinity can't be approached in any universally meaningful way- to do so would be to
  55. induce a seizure. But nevertheless, I had done such a thing. I ventured into different tunnels, and saw where the paths led. I relived past lives. It was very traumatic.
  56. To suffer so much, surely this is what Jesus of Nazareth had seen. He had ventured to the top of the Qabalah, he had been through the whole of IAO, and had died for it
  57. when he finally understood. He had achieved prophecy, and he did it completely and perfectly. His solution was that
  58. "Nobody should have to suffer like this. Everyone is already saved." And so he founded his religion, and his life, his Word, was as a fantastic supernova, the effects of
  59. which we still feel today. But I couldn't live as the "Popular Christian". I could not stand idly by and be content in a lawful setting, I would always look up, like a tamed
  60. house-cat, neutered and harmless, pushed around. To do so would be to take the Blue Pill. I considered the way in which I saw people content,
  61. having both Slack and Will, doing as they Wilt and the formula of Thelema and Agape. 93 = 93. Love, Will, equalling the same thing. To me, this was the most compelling.
  62. I then became aware that it was getting late, and that I needed to sleep. I asked Max for help, but he was already in bed, and I was having trouble. To me, I had already
  63. opened the Eye of Shiva, which has no eyelids. There was no sleeping, and I didn't sleep that night, though I tried in vain. I vomited at one point also.
  64.  
  65. In my struggles through the night, I grappled with madness. I saw infinities as spirals, asymptotally approaching seizures, each one an akashic record I could keep reading forever,
  66. each a path I could walk into madness, each one with a single flaw in reasoning I just couldn't paint over and forget. Hadit was always there, stopping me, telling me
  67. "That's not it." I tried my best to center myself, but I couldn't sleep. I got back on my laptop and read Crowley's Wake World, the saving piece of sanity for those who are
  68. without an Order, and performed the Invocation of the Ring.
  69.  
  70. Adonai! Thy intermost Triangle!
  71. Self-glittering image of my soul
  72. Strong lover to thy Brideís desire,
  73. Call me and claim me and control!
  74. I pray Thee keep the holy tryst
  75. Within this ring of Amethyst.
  76. For on mine eyes the golden sun!
  77. Hath dawned; my vigil slew the Night.
  78.  
  79. I saw the image of the One;
  80. I came from darkness into L.V.X.
  81. I pray Thee keep the holy tryst
  82. Within this ring of Amethyst.
  83. I.N.R.I.- me crucified,
  84. Me slain, interred, arisen, inspire
  85. T.A.R.O.- me glorified,
  86. Anointed, fill with frenzied triangle!
  87. I pray Thee keep the holy tryst
  88. Within this ring of Amethyst.
  89.  
  90. I eat my flesh: I drink my blood
  91. I gird my loins: I journey far:
  92. For thou hast shown womb, phallus, oy, 777, kadmon,
  93. I pray Thee keep the holy tryst
  94. Within this ring of Amethyst.
  95.  
  96. I still found myself unable to sleep, so I spent the night awake. I think I went on IRC a few times. I woke Max up a few times whenever I got scared, and I asked him to hold me.
  97. My mind became scared I'd lose myself in the delusions, and Max assured me that everything would be fine, that I could anchor myself to him and be okay. I considered
  98. the fragmentation of consciosness, in which I were to pin my definition of "reality" to Max, to the divine love I felt for him, and I realized that upon his death, I would die
  99. as well. To place my grounding somwhere is to entrust my soul to that thing, it is like the Soul Gem of a magical girl, or the reality test from Inception. It is the single
  100. knot that can come undone, and if it is ever lost, everything turns to chaos, and reality ceases. I avoided placing my soul anywhere. It was K&C, the goal of religion, the
  101. union of Shekhina with Tifaret, but I hesitated, as I could not undo such a bind without much trauma. Mine was the middle Path, and to redefine reality was to stray.
  102. So, I suffered through the night, and I walked the Paths.
  103.  
  104. The next day, I was somewhat ill. I had to meet a friend to give him his birthday gift, but he flaked out and I spent the day shaking from sleep exhaustion. My friend Josh
  105. called me to ask if I was okay, I told him I was fine. I seemed to urinate frequently. I got some powerade to replenish my electrolytes, and i tried to force some food down into my stomach,
  106. though I ate little more than some kale and garbanzo beats the whole day. I hallucinated a bit, and saw entities in my living room. Max took care of me and bought
  107. me some chocolate. I went onto #thelema, and everyone told me, "If you didn't see it, do more LSD. You're supposed to go mad." I messaged Sabitsuki and he told me my mind would reboot.
  108. I figured it would be something like the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey, in which I would be reborn upon birth. Max taught me some procedures for grounding myself, moving my
  109. consciousness from my room, to my apartment, to the street I lived on, to Eugene, Oregon, The United States, Earth, the Solar System, the Milky Way Galaxy, the Local Group, the Local Supercluster,
  110. the Observable Universe, whatever the hell else, and back down.
  111. I performed both my rendition of the LBRP and the LBRH (The latter I feel helped more)
  112. Exhausted, I laid down with Max, and finally slept. I dreamed of butterflies.
  113.  

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